Ichi: The Blind Swordsman... I mean, woman

Yep, I'm going to tear apart Ichi: The Blind Swordsman. I was super excited when I got this movie (sale price $9.99 back in December 2010). It was my Christmas gift. I'm not really sure what I was hoping for; not sure if I was just looking for a way to practice Japanese. I cracked down after 5 minutes of listening to Japanese and switched the language to English. The dubbing was as bad as I could ask anyone to do. I got a kick out of it, and instead of being a serious movie, the English dubbing made Ichi into a comedy of sorts. If you don't know what Ichi is about, allow me to give you a very quick description of the movie. (This will be one massive spoiler!) Takes deep breath...

Ichi is about a blind young female drifter searching for the man who taught her how to fight and be deadly with a sword. She wanders around with her guitar - proper name of the instrument: shamisen - to earn just enough to eat and sleep somewhere. She meets Fujihira Toma (Toma for short), a ronin (outcast samurai) who has his own sad back story, during an agitated assault on Ichi by a few bandits. Her skill with the sword is mistaken by the Shirakawa Yakuza family as being Toma's skill - drafting him to be the family's bodyguard and the family's chosen champion to duke it out against the infamous and brutal bandit, Banki. When Banki's men came charging into the village/town, ruining the village festival, Ichi's skill is realized, and she's taken to Banki. Banki pretty much hands Ichi her ass, telling her that a blind swordsman with her same technique ruined him and that the swordsman died before he (Banki) could have his revenge. After hearing Banki say that the swordsman was dead, Ichi appeared to give up the fight. As she is held prisoner by Banki, we are shown Ichi's past:

The man she is seeking out is her father, a blind ronin. He left her in a music house that cared for blind women and taught them to play the shamisen. Once in a while, Ichi's father would come visit her, but one year, he failed to show. Ichi's only memento of her father is this little bell that she rings once in a while throughout the movie.  As her father's memory shrinks away, Ichi begins to think of Toma, and just as she reaches up with her hand, Toma grabs her and simply states, "I've come to save you." (Something to that effect.) As Toma carries Ichi out of Banki's hideout, Banki declares Ichi "his woman," and Toma's facial expression says everything: A mix between "Oh hell no" and "Over my dead body". (Mind you, there's a lot of chit chat I'm skipping over.) In the final battle, the first round has the Shirakawa Yakuza family facing off with Banki's bandits; second round calls for Banki and Toma, who is finally able to draw his katana, to fight to the death.

As Toma delivers several blows to Banki, Banki is able to strike Toma with a deadly blow. Sadly, Toma died after his 3-minute fight against Banki in Ichi's arms, causing Ichi's rage to build and climax and leading to the third and final round of the final battle: Ichi versus Banki. Toma's blows rendered Banki from fighting at his best, allowing Ichi to deliver the death slice that revealed Ichi's father's mutilating blow. The closing scene is similar to how Ichi's father left her: She gives the little boy - Kotaro - a little bell, which he rings as she walks away with a smile on her face.

Takes a deep breath. Now that I've given you the 2-minute run down of the movie, I want to zone into a few bits and pieces of the movie. I've already said my piece about the dubbing, so I'm not going to say anything else about it. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the attempt the voice over dubbers did; just saying they could've done a bit of a better job at matching the mouthing.

The two main actors: Haruka Ayase as Ichi was wonderful. I must thank her for keeping her eyes open rather than the eyes closed portrayal of a blind person. She was definitely pretty to watch, and her moves were a bit sloppy - as expected from a "student" - but were also quick and precise in the snaps and flicks of the wrist. She had this touch of innocence that I believed in, and yet, she had this brutal side to her that I must truly applaud her performance as Ichi.

Takao Ohsawa gave a comical, yet sweet portrayal of Fujihira Toma. His big eyes captured panic when needed and also caught the image of a guardian when the dire time called for it. The way he performed his required naivety and flustered fighting sequences were pitch perfect, and he made me believe that was struggling to unsheathe his katana (though I was getting a bit annoyed, as he cowardly fought and blocked for all the fight scenes - not counting the scene he died in).

The thing that killed me in the laughter department: the fake blood. I'm trying to find the right words to describe it, and honestly, I can only think of fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. I just can't think of anything more detailed to describe it. I know I failed you in this department, but I'm 100% flabbergasted for words to describe the blood. I guess I could say that it looked like it was a thick red food coloring cream, and the blood that spurted out of people when Ichi sliced them looked something like the cgi liquid stuff from Tomb Raider or from one of The Mummy movies.

I'm starting to actually run out of words to say about Ichi.... Wow, this is a surprise. I guess I can safely say...

Until next movie!